Top 10 Things The Barnacle Absolutely Cannot Help You With

What Can The Barnacle Help You With? Not That.

The Barnacle® is a new-category smart device that is solving parking problems across America, one bad parker at a time. Its versatility is renowned where it adapts to a wide variety of parking management and enforcement situations.

While The Barnacle solves a whole lot of problems, there are some things, unfortunately, that The Barnacle just can’t help you with:

  1. The Barnacle cannot be used on motorcycles.  This is due to the lack of a windshield.
  2. Do NOT attempt to Barnacle The Batmobile. We repeat – no NOT.
  3. The Barnacle cannot help if the offending motorist owns a heavy-lift helicopter and airlifts their vehicle away. However, with Barnacle’s GPS tracking, we can help you find their secret lair. After that, you are on your own, man.
  4. No, The Barnacle no longer doubles as a snack tray. That was a bad idea. Stop asking.
  5. Barnacle Parking has ceased marketing which implies we help protect the motorist’s vehicle interior by applying a “temporary sunshade”. As popular as this product benefit was, we’ve asked clients to also discontinue related mentions.
  6. No, you cannot “double your revenue” by applying one Barnacle atop another.
  7. The Barnacle cannot help with motorists who think “getting a citation” means winning an award.
  8. The powerful suction of The Barnacle device was designed exclusively for use on windshields.
  9. Do NOT Barnacle Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris parks where he wants.  Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  10. Barnacle cannot prevent bouts of Barnacle-mania, whereby adoring fans park badly just for a chance to meet The Barnacle and collect more “I got Barnacled” stickers.

But if you’re interesting in learning what The Barnacle CAN do for you, give us a shout 🙂

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